How to Actually Answer "R U OK?" When You're Not

Stress & Burnout

2 Sept

Reviewed by Sally Tanner, MA Counselling, ACA Level 2 Registered. Last reviewed: August 2026.

If someone asks "R U OK?" and you're not, you don't have to pretend everything is fine or share more than you're comfortable with.

An honest response can simply acknowledge you're finding things difficult and let the other person know what support you'd like, if any.

The goal is to respond in a way that feels safe and authentic.

Why Is This Question So Difficult to Answer?

Many people answer "I'm fine" automatically, even when they're struggling, for reasons like worrying about being judged, not wanting to burden someone else, feeling unsure how to describe what they're experiencing, or simply not being ready to talk.

In workplace settings, there may also be concerns about professionalism, privacy or how sharing personal information could be perceived.

Feeling unsure how to respond doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It simply reflects that conversations about mental health can feel vulnerable.

You Don't Have to Choose Between "Fine" and Telling Them Everything

People sometimes assume there are only two options: pretend everything is okay, or share every detail of what's happening.

In reality, there is a wide middle ground. You can be honest while still protecting your privacy. For example:

"I've been finding things a bit tough lately."
"I'm under quite a bit of pressure at the moment."
"I've had a difficult few weeks."
"Thanks for asking. I'm not doing as well as I'd like."

These acknowledge your experience without over-explaining.

It's Okay to Say You're Not Ready to Talk

Sometimes the timing isn't right. You might appreciate someone checking in but not feel comfortable having a conversation at work, in a meeting, or when you're emotionally exhausted.

It's perfectly reasonable to say:

"I appreciate you asking. I'm not really ready to talk about it today."
"Thanks for checking in. I'd rather chat another time."
"I'm okay to keep going today, but I appreciate you asking."

Setting a boundary isn't the same as rejecting support.

If You Do Want Support, It Helps to Say What You Need

People often want to help but aren't sure how. Telling them what's useful can make the conversation easier for both of you. For example:

"I don't need advice, I just need someone to listen."
"Could we grab a coffee later?"
"I'm feeling overwhelmed and could use someone to talk things through with."
"I'd appreciate it if you checked in with me again next week."

Support doesn't always mean solving the problem. Sometimes simply feeling heard can make a difficult day feel a little less isolating.

What If Someone Asks at Work?

Many workplaces encourage conversations around mental health, particularly during initiatives such as R U OK? Day.

According to Safe Work Australia, psychologically healthy workplaces involve respectful conversations about wellbeing, alongside employees' right to privacy.

If someone asks how you're doing at work, you can choose how much you share. You might say:

"Work's been pretty full on lately."
"I'm managing a few things at the moment."
"I'm finding things a bit stressful, but I'm working through it."
"Thanks for checking in, I appreciate it."

You don't need to disclose personal information if you don't want to.

What If Nobody Asks?

Not everyone notices when someone is struggling. People can be busy, distracted or unsure what signs to look for.

If you're finding work stress is building, you don't have to wait for someone else to start the conversation. Speaking with a trusted colleague, manager, friend, family member or healthcare professional can be an important first step.

Reaching out isn't a sign you've failed to cope, it's one way of looking after yourself.

When Should Someone Seek Support?

If workplace stress is becoming persistent, affecting your sleep, concentration, relationships or ability to enjoy everyday life, it may be helpful to speak with a GP or qualified mental health professional.

Support doesn't have to wait until you feel overwhelmed. Many people find it helpful to talk early, before stress affects more areas of life.

If you'd like to understand what working with a counsellor for workplace stress actually looks like, our Workplace Stress & Burnout Counselling page explains The Naum Centre's approach.

Key Takeaways

You don't have to pretend you're okay if you're not.
It's possible to answer honestly without sharing every detail.
Setting boundaries around what you discuss is completely appropriate.
If you want support, letting someone know what would help can make conversations easier.
You don't have to wait for someone to ask before reaching out.

If these experiences sound familiar and you're ready to talk to someone, you can book a free 15-minute consultation with our team to see if counselling may be a good fit for you.